Dear Alien,

Were I king of this world I'd see to it that everyone was required every morning to hold a mirror up to themselves and look deeply into their own and pronounce the thing that most disturbed them at that moment :

"People drive too slow."
"Average is the new stupid."
"I wake up hungry."
"My tits are too small."
"I never have money."
"I can't love Jesus enough."
"My mother thought I was better than this."
"Maroon 5 sucks."
"Happy people piss me off."
"My boy is a queer."
"Women are frightened of me."
"I'm allergic to dander."
"Paris Hilton."
"My father touches me."
"Work is my only refuge and I hate my job."
"Nobody uses wallpaper well anymore."
"All of HBO's good shows are starting to look alike."
"That rat bit me."
"I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish..."

Then I'd make sure that everybody put the mirror down and went on with their lives. Then, long about 6pm, when it was time to go home, they'd stop what they were doing and change to a different house. In the morning, where a different mirror sat waiting to catch their purging spooge, they'd repeat the previous day's cathartica.
On and on it would go until the mirrors were full up and started to overflow. Then everybody would have to stop complaining because everybody would have to hear it all over again so everybody would decide to help everybody out with what it was that was bugging them until everybody just didn't have anything to bitch about anymore. And when that point was reached, I'd demand that everybody take the shared hit of 7 years of bad luck and break each mirror completely. Shattering it till it cut soul. Then they could go on and do whatever the hell it was they wanted to do with themselves before they started doing what somebody else probably had wanted them to do in the first place.
Such an ear-shattering cracking of unintended purpose is what I wait for somedays.
Other days I just butter my bread.